As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14
After spending the better part of a decade living in various sinful ways, I became a Christian at age twenty-one. The relief I felt after my conversion was astounding. Knowing God would no longer remember my sins was so reassuring (Hebrews 8:12). However, Satan soon began to try to undermine my newfound trust in Christ and His sacrifice.
While I knew salvation conceptually, I lived as if I did not have that assurance. I began to relive the guilt that had consumed me for years as if I were still living in sin. I knew 1 John 1:7, and I was walking in the light at that time. I should not have questioned God’s promise to expunge my record. Because of this doubt, I became increasingly distant from God.
This also led to uneasiness with my new brothers and sisters in Christ. Though none of them gave me any cause to doubt their care for me, I felt out of place. I had this false notion that they had it all together and therefore could not possibly sympathize with my past indiscretions. All these feelings set the stage for my eventual collapse less than three years after my conversion. The absolute trust I had in the Lord the day of my conversion had been replaced with the feeling of guilt and the nonsensical idea that God and His people could not understand me. Without that trust in Him, it was only a matter of time until the lure of the tempter got the better of me, and I was right back in the world. This began a vicious cycle of guilt, leading to a greater sense that I did not belong, leading to more sin and ever-increasing guilt, etc.
After a period of roughly eight years wandering in the wilderness of sin again, I finally came to my senses and returned to the Lord. Since then, I have learned to better embrace His marvelous atonement for the mind-bending reality that it is: undeserved but freely given. I had a tough time accepting God’s amazing grace, and this led to my turning from Him. It is a fine line we must walk between accepting God’s grace and turning it into license to sin (cf. Jude 4; Romans 6:1-18). Due to the attitude of some trying to use God’s grace as an excuse to go on sinning, others of us have overreacted and nearly eliminated the assurance we have of God’s merciful dealings with us. It was the latter thought process which caused me to abandon the Lord and return to a life of sin. What is the answer for those who feel like no one understands?
Enter Hebrews 4:14-16 with its grand assurance of our compassionate High Priest, Jesus the Son of God. I finally laid hold of this teaching after my collapse and recovery, and it has been a source of strength ever since. In it, I learned that the Lord fully understands my predicament. He was tempted by all the same temptations we face (cf. Matthew 4:1-11; Luke 4:1-13), but in never succumbing to them, He became the sinless lamb of God who alone can deliver us from our sin (cf. 1 Peter 1:17-21). As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 5:21, “For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” Because He faced down the tempter’s attacks, He can sympathize with our weaknesses and serve as our High Priest. It is up to us to approach the throne of grace for the help we need in our time of temptation, but we must trust that He understands us before we will make such an approach. Having done so ourselves, we must then make sure all our brethren know that God understands them and so do we. In so doing we may help them enjoy blessed assurance in Jesus with us.