“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.” Hebrews 12:14-17
We have all heard the words in this title concerning some decision we once made, the significance of which we did not fully understand at the time. After the fact, we all can look back with clear understanding. Often, the lesson learned is a painful one like Esau’s, and the Hebrews writer sought to spare his readers from a painful failure to see things clearly as they unfolded. A modern example I read sometime ago put this reality on display, along with a great comfort for those who persevere in Christ. Her name is Elaine Rotondo, a homemaker and freelance writer who enjoys the blessings of three daughters with her husband Ronald. Her story is a powerful illustration of the often-painful reality of hindsight following poor decision making. Here is her account of her painful hindsight realization.
Our third little girl completed our family, a special blessing. As I held her in my arms, I marveled at how God works His purpose in our lives.
But driving home from the supermarket one afternoon, I found myself thinking about two other children from my past. Those two I had never fussed over. In fact, I had tried to forget them entirely. Before now I had not even called them children. I had called them abortions.
When I became a Christian, I understood abortion was a sin, and I had asked God to forgive me. But I had never felt sorry over the loss of those little ones.
Pulling my car to the shoulder of the road, I sat for some time, my moist fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel. Now I let my thoughts venture into a place they had never gone.
“How old would they be now?” I wondered. “They probably would have had brown eyes, as their living sisters do.
I fought off the sickening reality that was rising in my mind. The full impact of what I had done so many years before was finally upon me. “They were alive,” I said out loud. “They were real children!”
Shame washed over me like a dense, heavy wave. But as the tide of pain rose, I leaned on the knowledge that the Lord was now with me in this life. This was too terrible for me to face alone; He would face it with me. God upheld me through that horrible moment of truth: I had taken life from my own children!
In my heart I cried out to the tiny souls who never had felt their mother’s arms. I had never mourned these children. Now I longed for them. But I was too late. The pain was almost unbearable. I wept for a long time, wishing the very mountains would cover me and hide my guilt. Then I remembered Jesus. “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).
Three key takeaways I would like to highlight: first, it is imperative that we understand the truth of God’s will as much as we can before we make our decisions to avoid such painful hindsight realizations (Ephesians 5:17); next, when we have such an experience making it clear that we have sinned against Him, we must remember His sacrifice, repent of our sins, and seek His forgiveness immediately (Ephesians 5:14; Acts 8:18-24); and finally, when we have done so, we must trust in His promises for full atonement of sin (Hebrews 8:8-12; Psalms 103:12). May we aim for 20/20 foresight to live in such a way that we need not learn so much from the 20/20 vision of hindsight.