Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as blights in the world… Philippians 2:14-15
Frustrations are unavoidable in this fallen world as some of our expectations are sure to go unfulfilled. However, this does not mean we cannot minimize those frustrations by understanding their cause and cure and determining to adjust accordingly. Sometimes unreasonable expectations produce the expectation to observation deficit. Other times it is because someone fails to meet reasonable expectations. It may be difficult to discern which is which, but if we all work to better understand the cause and do our part to correct the deficit, we can improve the quality of our every relationship. Given Christ’s demands for unity, this is something we must take seriously in the Lord’s church.
The Bible repeatedly addresses the danger of grumbling and complaining. One of the most instructive examples occurs just two months after the exodus of Israel from Egypt, leading to God feeding the people with manna (Exodus 16). Having been sustained by the manna for a period of about two years (Numbers 10:11), it was time for the children of Israel to head towards Canaan. Sustained faithfulness would enable them to enter Canaan in a relatively short time, take possession of “…a land flowing with milk and honey…,” and enjoy all the comforts God intended for them. However, they became frustrated with God’s provisions and wept for the diverse culinary fare they enjoyed as slaves in Egypt (Numbers 11:1-6, 20). At the same time, the behavior of the people frustrated the Lord and Moses as His representative among the people (Numbers 11:10-20, 31-34).
This example illustrates both sides of our frustration coin. The people were frustrated because their observation of God’s provisions did not meet their expectations. They had seen all that God had done in delivering them from oppression and slavery, so they had every reason to trust He would deliver the comforts of Canaan as He promised. However, they apparently expected more than the sweet honey cakes of manna along the way. Their unreasonable expectations led to frustration, grumbling, and ultimately punishment.
God was frustrated with the people because they failed to meet the expectation of continued faith in Him to deliver the promise despite all the proof of His ability and willingness to do so. He made no promise of ease and comfort en route to Canaan, only after He gave them the land. All He demanded of the people was to trust His promises and follow His commandments, but they did not meet these simple requirements. The solution to all of these frustrations was for the people to correct their unreasonable expectations, trust God, and meet His reasonable expectations (cf. Philippians 4:11-13).
We can bring this reality home with a host of applications. Husbands and wives often become frustrated by unmet expectations. This may occur in the realm of domestic duties, intimacy, time management, parenting, etc. Sometimes it is because one expects more than the other can possibly deliver. Other times it is because one refuses to deliver what is truly a reasonable expectation from the other. Parents can become frustrated with children, and again it may be due to asking more than the child can do, or it may be due to the child doing less than he/she ought to do. The same can hold true in employer/employee relationships, social relationships, church relationships, etc., etc.
This is by no means an exhaustive treatment of this matter, but hopefully it promotes self-reflection and a willingness for each of us to strive for harmony and reduced frustrations all around. If we are expecting too much, we must learn to be content in whatever state we are in (Philippians 4:11-12). If we are delivering less than we are able, we must strive to meet the needs of others in our relationships (Philippians 2:1-4). In either case, the only way to do so is to take on the humble mind of Christ, knowing God will put all things right in the end (Philippians 2:5-11).