“And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.” 1 Timothy 1:12-14
I will never forget a friend of mine believing he could never be forgiven and most certainly could not be a worthwhile servant of the Lord due to his past misdeeds. I struggled with this same issue early in my Christian walk, and it proved to be an impediment to my service. When I looked back on my prior failures, it interrupted my service to the Lord which deepened my guilt which further hindered my service, etc., ad nauseum. This all makes me wonder how many more believe they have no place in the Lord’s service because of glaring imperfections.
Perhaps you can relate to this painful cycle and would like to escape it. Though taking much time to escape this, by the Lord’s grace, I now operate with confidence in His service, not confidence in my inherent worth but confidence in the worth He gave me in my redemption. Though I did not realize it then, in questioning my worthiness to be in His service, I was really questioning His authority and willingness to count me worthy to be in His service. It is not that I think so much more of myself that I now enjoy this confidence. I simply stopped questioning the efficacy of Christ’s sacrifice to transform a deeply flawed human like me into a fit servant in His kingdom.
This is one of many reasons grace is so amazing. Not only am, I forgiven, I am renewed in the spirit of my mind (Ephesians 4:23), I am a new man, “…created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:24). My fitness for His service is not my doing (though there were/are things I must do), but it is His act of creation in me when I came to saving faith in Him. This is consistent throughout the Scriptures as we can see from several prominent Bible characters whom God used despite some serious character flaws.
Abraham twice lied about his relationship to Sarah (Genesis 12:10-20; 20:1-17) and tried to help God fulfill the promise of an heir (Genesis 16). Yet, he is the “father of the faithful” (Romans 4-5). Jacob deceived his brother and father (Genesis 27; Jacob means supplanter) yet his name was changed to Israel, the name of God’s chosen nation (Genesis 32:27-28). David committed adultery and tried to cover it up with murder by proxy (2 Samuel 11-12), yet he was called a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22).
In the New Testament, the apostle Peter denied the Lord three times in the face of pressure (Matthew 26:69-75), yet he was restored to the Lord’s service (John 21:15-17). All the other apostles forsook Him too. Later Peter withdrew from Gentile Christians when certain Jewish Christians came down, prompting Paul to confront him (Galatians 2:11-21), but he finished strong as an apostle of the Lord (John 21:18-19; 2 Peter 1:12-14). Saul, later called Paul, persecuted Christians, yet he became the apostle to the Gentiles and one of the most prominent apostles and Bible penmen (Acts 9; 22; 26).
So, remind me again why you are not worthy of being in the Lord’s service. No one is worthy on his/her own merits. Thankfully, it is not our merit that fits us for His service, but it is the merit He grants us when we submit to His will and ways. You and I must simply trust Him to do His part as we go about doing ours, and He will take care of the rest. No matter where you come from or what you ever did, if you will heed His call according to His will, He can use you anyway.